Never Gonna Let You Go

Romances seem destined to end – tragically or not. It seems that way, but romance can last as long as we do. It is our symbol to command. Our bodies will support the trauma of broken beliefs – and just about everyone has felt the acute pain that happens as a result. But, looking back on our lives, we can see that the heart heard all our stories of near death and desertion, and survived them. It never actually shattered just because a dream did.

Heartbreak is curable. It requires that we accept the intrusion of truth and remember to be grateful. Then we can begin to reconstruct a reality that is less rigid, less fearful and more respectful of ourselves and others. Our impression of reality does shatter once in a while, but it can be reshaped and renewed. And if our waking dream is not so solid in the remaking, it can continue to change at the speed of life. When we dig in our heels and refuse to accept the fact of change, subscribing instead to the symbols of injustice and betrayal, we may always feel a little battered and broken. And, typically, we will blame someone else for our pain.

‘You broke my heart’ can be considered a sweet, romantic refrain or the cry of a coward. Let’s start our voyage into spiritual maturity – a simple sort of heroism – by accepting responsibility for our half of any relationship. If something in us feels broken, let’s attend to it. If a dream has ended, let’s honor it by building a better one from a better awareness. Building a dream on bitter seeds breeds more and more bitterness. Is this how we want to create dreams and march through life? I don’t think so. On the other hand, if bitterness and betrayal are your favorite foods, it doesn’t matter whether you are loved or not – you’ll find reason enough to eat. If you think romance is just a cruel joke, maybe you have developed a taste for cynicism. If you put your loved one on a pedestal and won’t let her down, refusing to see a people as they are and loving only on certain specific conditions, then you could have a victim’s appetite.

If we think about our beliefs about romance as the food we love to eat, then – what exactly are they feeding? What would you call the greedy monster that gobbles up the emotions inspired by your particular idea of romance? Maybe you feel threatened by the word, or unworthy of love, or angry at the insensitivity of men or the irrationality of women. Maybe you have told yourself that life is no fairy tale. In that case, romance feeds a kind of cynicism cyborg, some creature of your own making that hungers for the bitter taste of disappointment.

If, on the other hand, you believe that romantic love between people must be forever, that your sweetie is your pet and personal property or your princess on a pedestal, or you’ll die if she leaves you, or you’ll stay if he beats you, then you may be feeding a monster masquerading as a friend. Let’s call it victimization, and it’s always there waiting to tear down your high hopes.

Victimization kills romance. Cynicism doesn’t even give it a chance. Be good to yourself and don’t indulge in either one. We hear the word detachment a lot in spiritual teachings. It has nothing to do with not feeling or remaining aloof. On the contrary, it invites us to attach to a moment – this moment – so that all the clutter of past moments might not pull us. Detachment helps us to love more and to believe less in our expectations and our pain. See how your thoughts clench around an idea, an expectation, an image you have of someone close to you. Loosen your grip and feel yourself fall into the pristine parameters of this moment. Notice how you have freed yourself and that person. You have freed yourself from events and invited life to play. Relax your hold on the way you think things should be or the way you think certain people should be. Your happiness has no business being in anyone’s hands but your own. How much more you can give if you are not in constant fear that someone will leave and take your happiness with them. How much more you can love everyone when you live secure in love for yourself.

Of course, we put great importance on being loved – assuming someone can see something lovable in us that we can’t see in ourselves. But what if we put more emphasis on loving? That’s what makes us happy, after all. When we are not loving we are cranky and agitated – and self-absorbed. ‘What about me?’ is the whimper of a victim. “Am I loving in this moment?’ is the reflection of a warrior. In fairy tale romances the power lies in the point of view that says, ‘I have found you, captured you and will set you securely in the castle called my mind. These castle walls will never come down and you will never be free while I live.’
Someone is being held captive through guilt and through fear. Never gonna let you go is the theme song to that story …and the victim is the love that could have lived and grown healthy between two people. Two dreams get broken in this story and two hearts pay the heavy emotional price.