Service

by Carolyn Duval

I can remember the first time I heard someone say that they were in service to the higher good of humanity and it had a tremendous impact on me. There was something grand about how that sounded — something selfless, a taste of sacrifice and giving and piety. It had a spiritual glow to it and I thought that maybe this was something that I would like to do some day.

Most of my life I saw being of service as a form of sharing and what I defined as generosity. If a friend needed something like some money, a place to stay, help moving into a new place, a shoulder to cry on or someone to dump all their problems on: I was quick to offer my support and to share what I had. This gave me a feeling of importance, made me feel generous and I believed that this was what friends did for each other.

There were several times where I took someone in who was in a desperate situation. They were running away from someone or something and found sanctuary in my home. This was, in my mind, a form of service and to be honest, it made me feel good about myself.

I think that in looking closer, I put the needs of others in front of mine. I am not even sure that I was aware that maybe my “generosity” really was not the best thing for the other person. In the guise of helping someone, I inadvertently put myself in the way of them helping themselves and there were consequences for me. Often they expected a lot more from me then I was comfortable giving and that put stress on the relationship. I would get resentful and they would feel that I had let them down leading to a complex mix of emotions and conflict and ultimately my unhappiness.

And I realized that for me, being of service meant that I extended myself way beyond my physical strength and my body’s comfort. I was always willing to put other people’s needs before my own. That may sound like an admirable quality but ultimately it does not serve anyone. The intent is there but the body suffers.

So what does it really mean to be in service? And what are you in service to? God, humanity, those less fortunate then you? I think it is important to look at what prompts you to think that you are in service to anyone. What are you getting out of it? What are you feeding on? Is it sacrifice, self-importance, generosity, smugness? A reaction to the injustice in the world? Yet how can you truly be of service to any other person until you understand that service begins with you?

First and foremost you are in service to this human, this body and from that point, you are able to be of service to others. You cannot truly help another until you are totally done with yourself and even then you still have to respect their dream and not feel that you are there to change it. Offer love and compassion, be generous if it will make a difference, but be selfless. Be empty. Be done with you and all your preoccupations, your fears, your needs and your expectations. The greatest gift you can give another is to be a clear reflection of Life. If you are in constant emotional turmoil and in reaction to the pain of others you are not helping anyone. When you serve the body and respect yourself enough to let it guide you, respecting others becomes easy. It is a natural response to everything around you. It is selfless and it is a pure reflection of life.